just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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