just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
