i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
