I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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