When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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