i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
