I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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