it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
