he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
