In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
