Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
