The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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