When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
