I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
