my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
