im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just had sex bonerless
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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