If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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