this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
