Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
