the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
