I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
