Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
