What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
