i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
