He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
