The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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