i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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