So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
