Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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