i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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