If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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