Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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