I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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