I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
