i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this will be a night to untag.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
