I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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