I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
