So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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