you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
