im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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