Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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