My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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