it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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