So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
