he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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