Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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