I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
