peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
