Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
