Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
