I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
