You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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