My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
