Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
