I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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