I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
