He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
