I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
