im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
nut hugger
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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