I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
