I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
