to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you had me at cake vodka
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
