I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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