break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
