turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
