Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just had sex bonerless
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
