I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
