im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
