youre lurking in front of me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
