I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
