i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
try to milk me bitch
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