a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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