i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
