haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
