i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
