Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
