Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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