she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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