I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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