this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
