smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
