I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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