I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
