i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
