I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
