The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
